Am I Prejudice?

I've spent all weekend wondering if I should write this blog. I still haven't been able to collect my thoughts on the question so I'm worried what I say will come out wrong or be mis-interpreted or even just be babble and not make a lot of sense. Well, here goes nothing...

On any other day, before Thursday night I would say, no way. I am not a prejudice person. I don't judge people on their religion, political views, color of their skin, sexual orientation or preference. That's just not me. I had to learn all of this as I grew up, but I was never forced to believe in one thing or another.

I wasn't always smart about each subject and don't claim to be an expert on any of it either. For instance, I used to use derogatory terms growing up until I used one of those phrases in front of someone who found offense to it. Even though I was not using the words in a derogatory way, it was a moment where I realized how dumb I had been all those years just from the expression on my friend's face.

It wasn't a look of anger, but more of a look of shock that I would say something so out of context. He even started laughing. I proceeded to blush in embarrassment and realized I was in fact an idiot. It never happened again and for good reason.

Before that moment I would not have thought of myself as prejudice, but in a way I was. It may have only been sub-consciously or because of pure ignorance, but I was. Once I realized my mistake I got the confidence back that I was a better person from then on.

Then last Thursday came around. I was out and about running some errands with Pam and Dougie. As we were walking through the store Pam went to retrieve an item that we needed while Dougie and I waited in the wings. A man who was passing by stopped and smiled. I felt a brief moment of hesitation from the start.

The man was wearing a headgear (and not the dreaded headgear that goes with braces). He politely said hi to Dougie and then asked if I was from the area. We made polite small talk about where we lived and I mentioned that I worked at Pease. He mentioned he was from India and lived in NJ most of his life before moving up here a few weeks ago.

Before I knew it Pam was back at the cart and he said hi and we said we should continue shopping and said our adieu...

Now here was a man who was just making small talk and trying to get to know his local residents and here I was wondering every second why he was asking me these questions and whether or not he had an ulterior motive. I kept telling myself not to think these thoughts, but I couldn't help it.

I'm actually ashamed at myself for worrying about it. I probably shouldn't because as Pam pointed out later that weekend that even if he was a white man asking random questions she would still feel hesitant toward him. But still...

I blame two things besides myself for reacting this way. One is the media...Case in point, the New Yorker today depicting Obama as a Muslim on the cover of their magazine. Although they say it is satire, which is fine, it still shows that the media uses fear to get the attention of it's readers. Usually we only hear the media depict minority groups as doing something wrong and rarely do they show when these same groups are doing something worth mentioning.

The other thing I blame is that small 3% of any group out there. As the saying goes, those few ruin it for the rest of the class. It's a fact of life. It would happen in school, college and even now in the workplace. It will never go away. There will always be bad people out there of all races, genders and color.

I wish I could say I wasn't prejudice...and maybe I'm not...I know there are a lot worse people out there then me...but I strive for perfection in life and prove to myself that I am a good person. But being an optimist I will get through this and realize I am a good person.

Some people wouldn't of taken a second glance. I had no problems making small talk with a nice man. I wish I had gotten his name. And if he's out there I wish to apologize on behalf of myself and others like me...